Are You Young, Single & Looking ?
That is...are you Looking for a genuine, straight up Bible-teaching, friendly, loves to have fun, spiritually uplifting Sunday School class to go to?Well if you are - tell me what you want it to look like. If you could start from scratch, how would you design it?
Give me your 5 TOP things that need to be going on in that class for you to want to come back a second time or get involved there.
THEN - tell me 5 things that are a sure way to KEEP YOU from coming back to a "singles-class".
I really want to know -
Love you all !
posted by knelson at 8:06 PM
26 Comments:
Hey Mrs. Kathy,
I don't know if I could make a top 5 list, but I will offer some thoughts about what would be good.
From talking to my friends, I think the conclusion that we've come to is that we just want a strong group of friends. It's hard because you can't just throw a bunch of christian single people together and start asking us deep questions and expect us to just automatically open up if we haven't really developed a friendship.I think it would be awesome just to hang out with some people my age with no expectations.
thank you so much Shonnie!
What a tough question, Kathy. I've started and then deleted 3 comments already.
To me (and the classes I've had success with), the Sunday School classes that work deal with the everyday hard issues of my Christian struggle, and give complex and nuanced answers in return. In the singles/college group I started several years ago, people were so interested they couldn't help but participate, even though they didn't know each other. Then, as we ate donuts and got real about our lives and our struggles, we got to know each other and formed a tight group that grew and grew.
There was no curriculum for this class, just weekly topics I prepared based on last week's conversation. When I passed off the class to the new teacher who used prepared (and crappy) materials, the class went from 30 regular attenders (1/3 of the morning worship service) to 3 attenders in about 2 months. (No joke.)
People get involved when it applies to them. Otherwise, they have better things to do. (Right, Elly?)
So Ben - are you saying that the topics you all discussed were NOT related to being single? Were they more about christians in general? And, more practically, did you all literally eat and discuss these issues at the same time - in real relaxed situation?
My biggests problems with most singles classes are 1.) They tend to lump college and career together, which I guess is ok when the career aged people are 22 or 23, you know still fresh out of college. However, Me now and me at 20 are two TOTALLY different people. I have more problems, worries, concerns, and life experiences now than I could ever dreamed possible at 19 or 20. In fact, I am WAY MORE pessimistic and cynical about things than I was back then. Most college students can't understand, nor should they, the same things single career 20somethings and almost 30somethings are dealing with. 2.) On the other side of the coin you can't lump ALL single people up into one class: i.e. 20somethings to 60somethings (or higher). I don't know what the answer is, but I know it doesn't consist of lumping.
Well, I won't give a top 5 but there are a few important ideas that I have concerning sunday school.
1. the priority of the class needs to be known. Not just stated, but known even by attending only one time. It should be clear that the primary function of the class is to teach the Word of God. 1Peter 1:3-10. The Word is the theme behind that list of things to add. The class is a perfect avenue to teach those things (5-7) on a week-by-week, relationship-by-relationship basis. We have been given everything we need, we just need to follow the list. (can anyone guess what I have been studying lately?)
This is getting long.
B. socials are important but not a primary focus. The only reason people will enjoy socials is if they enjoy the other members of the class. The only reason people will enjoy the other members of the class, is if they know that those folks care about them. (brotherly kindness, love, godliness) The primary way that class members have a chance to get to know each other enough to care about each other is through social events.
3. consistancy, conviction and committment from the leaders of the class. The teacher shouldn't be a peer and should only be responsible for teaching and guiding. The leaders (core group of members) of the class should run the show. (plan socials, retreats, activities, etc.)
Kathy:
I can't recall all the topics since most weeks the curriculm was fairly unscripted, but it was rare that we talked about singleness, even though I was the only non-single in the room. We discussed hot-button issues like homosexuality and creation vs/evolution more often, but mostly the kinds of things we talked about were things like "What is the purpose of the suffering I endure in life?" or "How can I understand more about/from the Holy Spirit?" or "How can God be perfect and have created our seemingly defective free will?"
You might think on the surface that these issues were all cerebral, but as we rejected pat answers and dug deep, most of the topics ended up relating to how we live our lives, relate to others, do church, and love God. The implications of most of the questions were REALLY far reaching. Even the women, whom I stereotypically think wouldn't be interested in a discussion about free will, got really involved in such discussions, since we tied it back to real life. (See my blog post on forgiveness for a clue as to how our discussions sometimes went from esoteric concepts, like forgiveness, to real life, like how I've been hurt in the past and continue to hurt every day.)
So, to answer your question: Most topics did NOT relate explicitly to singleness, but rather Christianity in general. And we ate snacks while we discussed. Our format was very laid back.
No offense to benjamin and chet, but the thing that these comments are leading to is the exact thing that I, personally, would run from. maybe I'm being selfish by talking about the things that I would look for, but, I guess I'm the only person I can speak for. I would run as fast as I can from another "sunday school"...give me people who my everyday experiences can relate to, I can learn from what God has done in them...they can learn from the same in me, but not because we're all sitting in a circle answering prefab questions.
I'm just trying to keep it real, yo.
Shonnie:
I guess I'm confused, then. Prefab is exactly the thing I'm trying to avoid (I call non-prefab "unscripted"), and keeping it real is the goal (always tying it back to real, everyday life, hurts and all).
I don't know how to say write this without sounding mean, but can you help me understand what could cause you to "run" based on what I've already written? (FWIW, I'm almost totally against prefab, and, in fact, blame prefab for killing the college class I worked so hard to establish.)
Mrs. Kathy, I lead a home group at my church (we don't have Sunday School) and it is going pretty well. We have around 10-12 (the design for a small group at my church) each week. It is a women's study group for single and married women between 20 and 30 years old (and we have the full range of ages...I'm the oldest). Some of the things that I've tried to design into our group are:
-We have a purpose, which is to learn more about the Bible and grow to be more like Jesus.
-Everyone has the freedom to speak up. I am pretty intentional about pulling things out of some of the ladies who can be quieter. But some of them have told me that they don't like to speak up, so I don't push them and they speak up when that want to.
-Everything that happens in group stays in group (it's not Vegas : ), but we do want everyone to feel comfortable).
-Our group intentionally shifts during the year from topical studies to scripture-by-scripture studies. The group kind of "votes" on what study we'll do next. My church is very focused on bringing new people in to become fully-devoted followers, so every third study is lighter so new folks can join in pretty easily.
Some of the things I've learned in leading small groups are:
-Food makes people relax. It sounds way cheesy, but if you're sitting in a room where you don't know anyone, it is more comfortable if you have something to do (like eat) that doesn't make you stand out instead of standing in a corner with your arms crossed or at your side.
-Follow-up is sooo important. When I was looking for a group to join (I ended up joining the group that I now am the leader of), I was a little disappointed that I didn't get great response from the leaders of some of the groups I visited.
-Prayer time is when people get really deep...they are sharing what is actually going on in their life.
It is such a delicate balance as a leader to have a place where new people feel welcome and where the continuers want to keep coming. And, as a leader, not being too controlling of the conversation, but making sure that we stay focused on the Word (try that in a room of women!). The bottom line, to me is, we all have limited time in the day...we're going to spend that time doing things that are valuable to us, so a Bible study (Sunday School, small group, whatever you call it), has to be something that adds value to the people that are there. Some of those people are coming because they want to walk verse by verse through Revelations and some are coming because they are looking for a friend to go to the movies with on Friday nights. Understanding what the people in the group are looking for and helping them find it are key.
Whew..that is way too much information, but just some of my thoughts. I often read comments on other blogs and wonder what my group members are saying about our group. I have to believe that any leader of a Bible study (SS or home group) is trying to conduct Bible study the best way they know how...trying to create something like what we're talking about here, but they're just not getting it because they don't understand what the members of the group need. So, thanks for actually asking what folks would like to see!
jenny
In no way should the class be in a lecture format. However, straying from the Word will cause the class to be of little effect. The good times that could be had by involving everyone in feel good discussions without learning from scripture is hollow and will not help sustain a believer. There are many discussions to be had that revolve around scripture, see Ben's comments(what's up Ben!) to know that there are many thoughts that weigh on our minds that can be discussed using the Word as the manual.
There have been several people in my current class that haven't necessarily enjoyed the lessons to start out with. What kept them coming is the genuine love and concern that the other members showed towards them. The class is more than just the lesson on Sunday, but the lesson on Sunday is there for the Word to be presented.
Mrs. Kathy,
I love my singles class. The age range there is anywhere from 21-35 (and it's never been an issue). I'll give you my top 5 list of what works for me:
1. Social events. Everyone eats out together after church. Plus, there's literally something going on every night of the week. I can be as involved as I choose to be.
2. Missions. Highly focused on local and worldwide missions. Locally, we serve around DFW at least once a week. Singleness allows us to be 100% focused on Him instead of a spouse. AND, we draw closer as a group when we serve together.
3. Bible study. I don't get why SS classes categorize scripture application (married or not married). Let's just STUDY THE BIBLE!!! It was written to apply to mankind as a whole, lets study it that way.
4. Mission statement. Define the purpose of the class. Stick to it.
5. No boo-hooing. Maybe it's just a here in Dallas, but the whole "I'm single, woe is me" thing never comes up. I mean, everyone is single here. Regardless, SS class is not the place to wallow in self-pity. Learn to be content with where God has you. Find some purpose and use it to His advantage.
I guess I don't get why being single comes into play at all. The singles group is just intended for fellowship with other believers that are similar to ourselves. If our situations divide us, then we need classes for every different type: cool/not cool, introvert/extrovert, employed/unemployed, etc. We all have different situations. We can't teach classes that cater to every individual circumstance, so why not teach the Bible and equip people to find ways to use their circumstance to better serve?
I'll get off my soapbox now! Sorry it's such a long response!
Thank you all so much for your wise and honest insights! Any other insights are welcome -
Any good or bad experiences in particular - I would like to hear.
I love ya'll!
I feel as though I need to clarify something. I have been in "bible study groups" where I was the youngest in the group by anywhere from 10 to 20or30 years, and I believe I was the only single in the group. I enjoyed attending and even looked forward to going because what was taught was the bible, I gleaned so much from my elders, we had worship, teaching,food, and fellowship. I really loved it, would I go to something along those lines again, yes ma'am. Now, what I was referencing earlier is this. If you are going to have a bible study and give it the label of "singles ministry" then that changes the dynamic up a bit. For as much as I wish I was as spiritually strong as J. Bufkin or others, sometimes I do get down about single life and could use the encouragement of other singles. I also know that I am not the only who gets down about it and a good singles class, that can provide great friendships, fellowship, a place to unload or breakdown, and to remind one that there can be joy in being single, can be a great thing. The thing that would turn me away from a "singles" ministry would be if there were married people in there, because...it's a "singles" ministry. However, if you just want to have a great "Bible study" group of young adults (22-35) then married, single, dating...whatever the more the merrier. Did I make any sense here or did I make matters worse? I hope this helps something Mrs. Kathy.
yes - it does help. I understand what you are saying. Your earlier comment about it "I know it does not involve lumping" kept me laughing at random times through out the day. Thank you for your wit!
Anytime Mrs. K...Anytime. : D
i want a sunday school class made up of people my age single and married where we study the word of God. like when we were in college only now a few more would be married. why do i have to be separated from my friends just b/c i'm single? do you think a college class would attract people if you separated those who had a boyfriend/girlfriend from those who didn't? (and my word, what ever do you do when a couple breaks up?) i love praying, sharing, and learning with my married friends. i relate to them more than a lot of those in a usual singles' class who are divorced or are single parents. i want to be married and have kids someday and i learn alot from my friends who are already going through that. and i must confess, my selfish self is often thankful for alot of the freedoms i still have b/c i'm single. i don't want to study the word of God and share my life with only single people anymore than i want to be in a class of only doctors or only people with ms, or only people who are half chinese! (shout out to the mother country...) i guess i just wish the church would stop putting labels on us when honestly the fact that i'm single doesn't cross my mind until i'm immediately separated from my friends when i walk into the baptist church. i mean if they separated us based on our dating status back in college, i would have never gotten to hang out in a class with people like amy, jody, or ben though jess and i would still be tight! :)
Hey Mrs. Kathy..I know you are a very busy woman, but I would love to sit with you sometime and discuss what it is that I'm trying to say, but obviously am doing a bad job typing... I think there is a mindset that we can break through and truly be revolutionary. seriously.
Shonnie - I would love to hear from you. Let's do lunch. Tell me when you can and where & I'll be there. I love to listen to a visionary!
Lunch...Frothy Monkey...Monday the 8th...11:30?
I'll be there!
Ooh, ooh...I'm off monday, can I come too?
What do you say, Mrs. Kathy...are we willing to divulge important information to a deputy sheriff? :) I say the more the merrier.
I am sitting here trying to think how I want to answer this question. I am really laughing at all the comments about eating while you are together. I think that is very true and people do feel a little bit more relaxed. I also totally agree about studying the BIBLE and not dwelling on our "singleness". I too get just as much from my married friends as I do my single friends in life. Being 23, single, and a young professional is something i got to use for his glory and get people to go along with me on the journey. Single, Married, or whatever. But then again...young marrieds could learn alot from people who have been married for some time. The idea of having somewhere to go after church to eat with several people is a plus.
I recently went with a married friend to her SS class at her church because I was visiting her out of town. It was a married SS class and I felt just fine in there being single.
I don't know...I have very mixed feelings about this...Hard to put down on paper...Just make people feel loved and show them Jesus...get them to do life together...because we have one goal!
KNelson...this summer...real soon...you and I have a lunch date..we just need to schedule. :)
Thanks for your insight Amy - I know "feeling loved and wanted" has got to be central to all of these other variables.
And YES - Deputy Sheriffs are always welcome!
WOO-HOO!!!!! :D
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